Prayer

The beautiful thing about insomnia, is that you have so much more TIME. Time to do all sorts of things (blogging, needlepoint, movies, books, music, cooking...oh, and some work too). Last night I had the urge to organize all my books into three piles:

1. "leave here"
2. "take to US on business trip and find time to book-rate mail home"
3. "keep on my person until pulled from my cold, dead grip"

Once I was done, I realized that 40 books were in the third category and I started over.

I've picked up alot of free books through my year here, and Shakespeare & Co.'s 2 euro table has been kind to me as well. As I was sorting, I came across Bill Hybels' Too Busy Not To Pray. As the cracked-screen laptop I use for DVD watching was warming up, I started skimming through the pages, expecting to toss it into the "leave here" pile.

After chapter 4 or 5, I put the computer into sleep mode. Somewhere along the line I woke it back up, and then put it back to sleep. When I was three chapters from the end, I turned the computer off entirely and went to bed to finish the book. It turns out that it IS going in the "leave here" pile, but not with the disdain that I once held for it.*

The title is a little misleading...this is a basic book about prayer, and Hybels addresses busyness in only a couple chapters. For a good 4 years, God and I have been "in discussion" about the likelihood of him actually getting around to answering my prayers (not that he hasn't been answering them along the way...oh never mind, hang with me here).

So, back around chapter 3 or 4, I asked God to talk to me somehow. Not necessarily that night, but soon, and, y'know, before the insomnia and stress about my future drove me off a cliff.

Then I read the end of chapter 10:

"You matter to God. He made you, and he knows what will fulfill you. He knows what vocation is best suited to your talents and abilities. He knows if you should marry or remain single, and if you marry, he knows what marriage partner is best suited to you. He knows what church you can flourish in. And this is what he says to you: 'I want to guide your life. I know the path that will glorify me and be productive for you, and I want to put you on it. I'll do that primarly through leadings, so quiet your life and listen to me.'"

And then in chapter 12:

"Not every leading from God will involve pain and sacrifice, but expect that quite often God's leadings will mean making gut-wrenching decisions that test the limits of your faith and make you face life's ultimate issues head-on. Many of God's leadings will require you to choose between being comfortable and building a godly character, amassing money and seeking first God's kingdom, being a winner in the world's eyes and being a winner in God's eyes."

If you could have read the email exchange between my friend Kari and I yesterday, you'd know just how apropos that second bit is. Amazing. Kari first articulated for me (a couple years ago) that "pain" not does necessarily equal "bad." Sometimes pain and struggle is exactly where we are supposed to be, and running from it is neither mature nor of God. She and I continue to have discussions along those lines, and Hybels chiming in was wonderful. Oh how good, and oh how pleasant...



*I will admit to snobbery about "Chrisitan-ese" books. Usually they are insipid and cheesy. But, I went to college with Hybels' daughter Shauna, who is brilliant, cheeky, and lives an incredibly honest life (OK, I haven't seen her since 1998, but I assume she's the same person...). So, I figured that her dad might be OK, and his book was worth at least a skim.

P.C.H.K. -- you can have it if you want it, but I don't think this is the kind of book you were asking about...