In Memory of ...

Recently—in the past year or two?--I've noticed a growing number of stickers in cars' back windows with tombstone messages: “In loving memory, Rose Marie Smith 19??-20??”

My first reaction was disgust. What a horrible, disrespectful, uncouth, tacky way to “remember” a loved one! My inner snob was horrified.

The other day, in the midst of an interminable drive, I found myself behind yet another of these notices. I started thinking of the historical/cultural nuances of this newly-popular societal habit.

In “days of yore*” such a funerary message would be etched into a stone standing on the departed's grave. The stone would stand prominent in the churchyard, which most local residents would pass when they walked through town, and when they attended services on Sunday. That stone, with its message, would regularly remind the living of the dead.

But we don't live in the days of yore. With the rise of agnosticism and cremation, a stone in a churchyard is no longer a good way to remind people of their dearly departed. Churches don't have graveyards (what a zoning nightmare!) and cemeteries are not on the way to school, work or Costco. More to the point, as cremation becomes more popular, we don't even have graves to visit.

So, how do we post reminders of the dead, if not through gravestones? I'm still hesitant to accept the fading, peeling window sticker as an honoring statement about a human soul—but I understand the need to write that person's name in a public place that will keep the name alive, even if just in the minds of strangers in traffic.

I'm more fond of the memorial park bench or tree, or even a tattoo (which opens up a whole other discussion which I won't touch right now). I like the idea of a semi-permanent memorial, rather than the mobile and fading window sticker. However, as nothing on this earth is permanent (see Coleridge's Ozymandias), I guess it's an issue of degrees. Eventually, we'll all be forgotten.

What do you think?


*10 points to whomever identifies that reference