You know how sometimes you jerk suddenly as you're falling asleep. As if you're actually falling? And then you realize that it's not you jerking, but the tectonic plate beneath a large section of North America? Falling asleep is not an option just yet (God bless earthquake country!), and only blogging will keep me awake.
I blogged recently about how life just seems bad recently. It still does. Despite happy news, I feel weighed down by grief and loneliness. Here, dear readers, are my questions for you:
How can we hope in the love of a Father who allows such horrible things to happen to his children? I have been told that God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life, but when I see what we all seem to be struggling through, I doubt how "wonderful" that plan really is. Others try to encourage me with heaven, but I can't see how that makes any sense. If I use heavenly rewards as an impetus for righteousness, then am I not working my way into heaven--or a better version of heaven? The thought turns my stomach. Also, is anyone going to dislike being in heaven? I don't think so. Big jewels are gaudy, and I'm not very concerned with how many I've got in my crown. Who wants to wear a crown, anyway?
Yes, it's the exhaustion typing. But even so, what can we hope for? If the love of God can't/won't protect us from pain and disaster, then what's the point?
No, really, I'm asking... email me if you don't want to post.
emailannieinfrance@yahoo.com
10 years ago
3 comments:
A friend of mine once said that jewels in a crown weren't a motivator for her either. Cuz, really, if we just wanted to wear a tiara, we could do that here on earth, couldn't we?
So, for those who don't know me, I have a one-year-old gorgeous, wonderful daughter. Needless to say, I am able to see "the big picture" in most of the things that she does. I take away some of the most wonderfully fun items from her (ie. markers, the kitty litter from the litter box, empty beer bottles, etc.). Let me tell you...this girl knows what she wants. We don't call her "Eva the Diva" for nothing. She honestly believes that she should have whatever she wants to have, regardless of any implications or dangers (which she does not, in her current state, foresee). It is my job as her mother to guide her, to teach her responsibility, to explain to her why she can't have the life-sized pink pony stuffed animal (even though in her mind, the world's end by nuclear holocaust is likely to ensue once her hands are pried off of it).
Also in my realm of parenthood is taking her to the doctor to get her shots. You should see the look she gives me when she is painfully pricked with needles, and I stand there, in full acceptance of what it taking place, gently stroking her forehead, telling her that these shots are for her own good and the pain will soon go away. Honestly, it has been one of the hardest parts of this gig. It is a look of abandonment, astonishment, hurt and utter sadness. You can obviously see where I'm going with this. There are things that she has to endure that she cannot possibly understand, but still need to take place (like having to be put in her her car seat when it is over 100 degrees in the car, while I try to explain to a screaming child that the air conditioning and open windows will soon bring relief to the unbearable heat).
When I leave her in the arms of someone else and walk away and she begs and pleads to go back to her mama, in her one-year-old mind, in that moment, it is just as heartbreaking to her as if I, in my almost 30-year-old mind had felt the absolute abandonment of God when I was in need. I know that I'm going to come back, and based on all previous experience, she has no reason to think that I wouldn't come back to her, but almost every single time, you can see the fear pass over her face. And I'm just her mother. How much more will the Father, the creator of all things, the one who sent His son to die in atonement of our sins, be there for His children?
We have never been promised a perfect, painless life here on earth. We're specifically told that we will have trouble in this world. More importantly, we have been given the amazing truth that this life on earth, this world, has already been overcome. We don't just follow Christ because we have been promised eternal life in heaven. We follow Him because he is the Way, the Truth and the Life. The whole reason Christ even had to come here was because this world is a horrible, broken, painful place. He tried starting over again after the flood, but it was apparent that we'd never be able to rid ourselves of sin. Our sins had to be atoned for.
You asked the question "What can we hope for? If the love of God can't/won't protect us from pain and disaster, then what's the point?" Jesus is our hope. Jesus is the point. All other ground is sinking sand. We hope in Him because of the Truth that is the Bible. If we believe this Truth fully, then we must unabashedly believe in God's sovereignty.
The hardest part is trying to be able to fully comprehend and undergo the change that we should be making in our lives and in the world because of this Hope that we have. We have been called to be the light of the world. Can you imagine this world if we actually were the light of it? It gives me chills to even think of it.
Does it mean that there will be no more pain? Absolutely not. There is only one place where there is no pain. Let me assure you...even I, whose favorite color is 'sparkly', isn't concerned about the crown to be obtained in heaven. But what I am ecstatic about (Is there a more ecstatic word than ecstatic? If there is, insert that word here) is not having the burden of sin. Because sin produces all that is wrong in the world. And even though we can't comprehend why God would allow it, we have the hope of knowing that one day, this world will be perfect. There will be a new heaven and a new earth. Yet even now, our wobbly world has already been overcome...now that is something to put your hope in. There are so many other things I want to write here, and I wish I could delve into every single subtlety, but it's late, and I have to go to bed so I can deal with a new day of one-year-old-ness.
Well said, G.
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