hardest to learn...

"For me, to live is Christ" -- Paul

"The hardest to learn was the least complicated ..." ---Indigo Girls

And, from an email I just wrote to Jen:

Lastly, I have been thinking about what conversion means. We say that someone makes a decision to "give his life to Jesus," and we treat that phrase as if it is a euphemism. Anything but! We literally give our lives to Jesus, along with our plans, dreams and pursuits. My life is His to use as He wills, and that's the bargain. So, if I died to myself and am now living for Christ, it makes no "sense" for me to feel entitled to something He has not given me. I'm not here anymore (and yet I'm more me than ever). I think that is the hardest lesson. It requires such conscious sacrifice, and such a mind-numbing mental /spiritual shift from everything our natural selves and the world tell us. And, I don't think anyone can understand this without the Holy Spirit. I was a Christian for many, many years (I accepted Christ 20 years ago this month!) before I even got a glimpse of what this means. No one can understand this unless the Holy Spirit opens his mind--no matter how good, creative or holy the human teacher."

The Indigo Girls are clearly not "in tune" with the Christian life, but I think they shed honest light on the human experience. The simplest lessons, like "to live is Christ," are often devastatingly hard.

I remember little from math and science courses, but I had one teacher/professor (Dr. Khilstrom?) who used to preach about "the elegance of the simple." And Dr. Marilyn McEntyre, a poet/professor with a heart for medicine and science, would passionately argue the difference between "simple" and "simplistic." The Gospel is simple, but it is not simplistic. "In the beginnig, God created..." is simple, but not simplistic. The great theorems and formulas of science and math are often simple, but never simplistic. These simple ideas often overwhelm us with their intricacies and wisdom.

I am overwhelmed by the simplicity of "to live is Christ." It is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Is there any conherence to this blog entry? Probably not. But it all links together in my mind. And this blog, after all, is a incomplete portrait of what happens in my mind and heart.

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p.s. Jen quoted some lyrics in her comment and I thought the song was so applicable to what I mentioned above that I wanted to quote it here too:

"I tried to know
Every mystery
Soon realized, no.
It was too much for me

'Cause most things true
Are simple and complex
So it is with You
What else should I expect

You suffer the seeker
In You they abide

You are to me
A beautiful mystery
You are to me
A Servant and a King

You're like the water
I can feel but not grasp
Still You say all I've gotta do
Is seek and knock and ask

You are to the river
What hems it in and sets it free

The truth is a river
Where the strong can swim down deep
The weak and the broken
Can walk across so easily"

--Caedmon's Call, "Beautiful Mystery"