Dear drivers who don't turn on their headlights:
It's been storming here for two weeks. It's dark and gloomy all day long, often with fog and blinding rain. Even though it's 2pm, your fellow drivers CAN'T SEE YOU! Turn on your lights, or die. Seriously. If the weather doesn't clear up, those are your options.
Dear raccoon/oppossum/cat running laps on the roof:
I think that roofs are fairly warm and cozy places these days. If you want to curl up next to our chimney to soak in some heat, I'm OK with that, but knock off the 2am sprints. I am against killing animals for sport. However, shooting you would be for revenge, which I'm totally cool with. Don't MAKE me buy a gun.
Dear rats in the walls:
See above note to raccoon/oppossum/cat. Instead of "shooting you" insert "dousing you with poison that will make you WISH I shot you."
Dear TV/Movie writers:
I sympathize with your plight. And, soon I'll be working so hard that I won't have time for TV or movies. Eventually, I'll come up for air and want to watch some TV again. I'd like for there to be something on besides American Gladiators and the show with the chickies with briefcases. So, please...what's it gonna take?
Dear In'n'Out franchise owners:
Build one closer.
9 years ago
2 comments:
You need to read my postings this week. They might help you in the realm of The Rat. My one word of advice: use poison as a last result. They crawl off to the nether regions of your house and die and then leave an utterly horrific stench that will never leave. I had it happen with a mouse once that crawled off to the nether regions of my CLOSET... during a weekend summer heat spell. When I got home, my studio was hotboxed. Poison=effective, but also poison=stinky. I made my neighbor take the mouse out. I still owe him for that.
I've scanned your rat saga, but I need to read it more thoroughly. Those photos were amazing! I've never seen a home invader--stunned or otherwise--captured on film before.
Yes, poison is a last resort. They seem to prefer to hang out in the walls of my parents' room and closet, and use my apartment as a place to visit in the evenings for a "change of scenery." As such, they also tend to DIE near my parents' room. :) Good for me! Not so good for them.
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