I've been freaking out about this birthday for quite awhile. I've been open about my freak-out, and I've listened to my friends' thoughts as many of them are, or have recently, passed this milestone. The general consensus seems to be that the married (with children) girls seem to take the birthday better than the singletons. And, for us singles, it's not a problem of having been on the earth for three decades, but one of having been on the earth for three decades alone...and still alone.
So I looked in the mirror. This is me at 30. All in all, I'm pleased. Strangers assume I'm in my mid-twenties and married. For some reason both of those assumptions cheer me. I have a job I love, and furnishings I love and I'm in the first steps of finding a home I love. I attended a church today that just might be the community with whom I will live and breathe and have my being. The physical locale of this church is directly across the street from the church where I was baptized as an infant. I like that. I am more joyful, purposeful, fanciful, whimsical, and peaceful that I've ever been. I am more confident in who I am: the me that God is purifying and clarifying everyday. I like the me that God means for me to be, even if I lose sight of her on a regular basis.
I posted before about my new life-frame: how my 20s were about exploration and discovery and adventure, and that my 30s (I hope) will be about dwelling in one place, sending down roots into this community that will grow stronger and stronger throughout the rest of my life, even if I end up moving some day.
I think I'm ready for my 30s. As I look back the winding road, I have few meaningful regrets. All in all, it's been a good walk--I've fallen, I've trudged, I've sprinted, I've doubled-back, I've sat down and cried and refused to go on--and then I got up and kept walking. I think I'm ready for the next long-haul. My transition from the "adventure era" has taken a long time: since I moved back from France in December 2006. But that's OK. This is my life, and at my core, I'm like a tree planted by a deep, fresh spring. The winds may toss me back and forth, but I will not be moved.
From the service today:
"Almighty God, the fountain of all wisdom, you know our necessities before we ask and our ignorance in asking: Have compassion on our weakness, and mercifully give us those things which for our unworthiness we dare not, and for our blindness we cannot, ask; through the worthiness of your Son Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever."
"[And the Lord God said:] 'Know that I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.' Then Jacob woke from his deep sleep and said, 'Surely the Lord is in this place--and I did not know it!' And he was afraid, and said, 'How awesome is this place! This is none other than the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven.'" Genesis 28
May you discover that you live on holy ground, that the Lord is where you are, and that he will never leave you.
4 comments:
I think I've told you this before, but I threw in the towel on my 20's a good 6 months before I turned 30. It was like being 30 for 18 months. By the time my birthday rolled around, it was like ehhh, whatever. That being said, on the big day I did have maybe one or two drinks too many to take the edge off...
I'm approaching the 3-3 this year. I see it as I'll have one foot in my mid-30's, the other in the early 30's. But mid-30's- geez. Good think I'll have nursing school to divert my attentions once again, because if I had the downtime to think about this...
My 30s have been WAY better than my 20s so far - especially 29. It was a particularly brutal year for me and I was really glad when it was over. So far so good. I have a feeling that 35 will be hella difficult, but I have a little while before that happens, thankfully. It won't be as bad as you think it will.
Betsy
Congratulations on reaching the 3-0. I am so glad I reached 30. I wouldn't want to relive my 20's again. My 30's have been filled with much more wisdom and much more dreaming about what I really want to do. Thus far..
i'm a married 30-something person that you don't want to hear from.
just wanted to say i love that you mentioned trees at the end of this! i have been contemplating the use of trees as a metaphor in scripture all year and plan to write a piece on it for advent. thanks for the reminder!
and i'm glad you're feeling whimsical. i could use some whimsy over here.
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